The Five to One Rule–A Love/Hate Relationship

Psychologists can read verbal and physical clues between a couple in the first few minutes of interacting with them. I recently learned of a theory that could predict whether a couple will stay together that is incredibly accurate and relatively simple. It’s called the 5:1 rule. For every one negative comment or physical gesture, the couples that had five positive ones to every one negative were most likely to make it in their relationships. For example, a positive touch, glance or affirmation for the other person strongly outweighs a negative/judgemental comment. I have looked around at my relationships with all the people in my life–the most positive relationships are reassuring and create positive energy. I am challenging myself this week to try to outweigh any negative thought even toward myself with 5 positives. I challenge you to look at the most positive relationships in your life that you have and see if this concept applies?

Posted on February 12, 2013 by Angela in Call to action, disease, Mind, Nutrition, Spirit Leave a comment

Toxic Relationships and Superheros

Maybe we should all read that book, “Women who love too much”–If you find yourself drained, not fulfilled, and not being pampered by your loved one; are you really living the life you were meant to live? I think not! That bad boy relationship that seemed so inviting and exciting, will only leave you spent and tired. Yes, those men are fun and full of passion, but it only lasts for a moment. Remember what you are worth and how much you have to offer in this world. Don’t sell yourself short girl–This too shall pass. It’s ok to be different! It’s ok to be you–that makes you different-not wrong!

I write these words of encouragement for many female patients whom neglect themselves and their own needs in order to be superwoman only projecting the image of perfection as wives and mothers! I am certainly the pot calling the kettle black with this one since I have to remind myself daily that I don’t have to solve every problem or issue that comes up in our household. It’s a narcissistic martyr role that I take when I try to do everything for everyone in my family. I think I am doing it out of kindness when I am actually doing it to prove to myself that I can. Then I resent everyone else for allowing me to do everything! When we make life too easy for our families and children–we disable them and neglect ourselves. I really don’t want my girls to fall into a pattern of overextending and resenting so I have vowed to try to lead by example and make the change for the better.

Luckily, my bad boy is actually a good one and he has been more than understanding and encouraging in my new “setting limits” mode. Fortunately, he wears his cape with less martyrdom than I ever did.

Posted on September 25, 2012 by Angela in Body, Call to action, Family, Humor, Mind, Spirit Leave a comment

Hipocracy- You Betcha!

What was my last meal?

Grass fed beef and veggies–yeah!

What is my next meal?

A big ‘ole chicken quesedilla from my favorite mexican restaurant La Hacienda!

Hipocracy you may say. But , I have an unhealthy relationship with mexican food. I can tell you exactly when it dates back to . In medical school, my roommate and I were chronically stressed and frankly probably clinically depressed because we literally lived and breathed medicine. We had no time for socializing were buried in books almost every waking hour we weren’t in class. Grabbing takeout mexican food and watching Jerry Springer episodes(yes we felt validated and normal seeing their dysfunction lives) on the weekend was a special treat to anticipate. So I have formed a comforting connection with eating mexican to make me feel good. It’s unhealthy but not necessarily a toxic coping mechanism. So I choose never to break that strategy for fear that the deprivation of my lifelong habit would allow me to pick up an even more toxic habit (ie doing drugs or something). Like relationships between people, the relationships we have with food can be healthy, unhealthy, or downright destructive. Many of my patients often exhibit signs of the latter, as many relate to food as medication, a best friend, or an escape from reality. Without understanding these relationships, making long-term dietary changes can be impossible. I choose the lesser of the evils and try to maintain insight into why I am making that choice. I am choosing to eat poorly tonight but I’m not going to make that choice again for a while. This is my one wild night then back to the books and the goal at hand! No different then medical school–you gotta stay on course for the goal at the end. Unfortunately, the health goal doesn’t end with a diploma or a degree–it’s a lifelong journey in vitality.

Here is a nice interview excerpt by Christa Orecchio, a clinical nutritionist that works on breaking programming lying at the root of unhealthy eating habits.

You can find more Real Food information on Sean Croxton’s site http://www.undergroundwellness.com

Posted on September 21, 2012 by Angela in Body, Diet, disease, Exercise, Humor, Nutrition, vegan, Whole Food Leave a comment

Fifty Shades of Exercise

Dear Gym Bag,

I have to confess that I am unfulfilled in our relationship right now. It’s not you, it’s me. I have allowed these drought filled dog days of 100 degree heat to play tricks on my mind. I have left you sweltering in the car all day while I worked only to come outside and blow you off without giving you any love because I was tired and too hot to go running. I’m no better than the people leaving dogs and kids in cars in this heat. I have been selfish! It would be easy for me to wake up earlier and hook up with you in the am. You always leave me feeling refreshed, energetic, sweaty, and confident! I can’t believe I have failed my loyal love drug! I would like to renew my vows with you again next week. In any good committed relationship or marriage, if you aren’t working on it, it’s won’t work. I’m seeking therapy now. I recently read that people cheat in relationships because of loneliness and I can’t revisit my toxic romance with Diet Mtn Dew–it left me drained, depressed and I have moved on. Please accept my apology and know that you are my Christian Grey–and I do love what you do for me!